Yourself, Inverted
by Kyra Rivers
Summary: What would happen if you looked in a mirror and saw yourself, inverted?


_**Title: **Yourself, Inverted_

_**Summary:** What would happen if you looked in a mirror and saw yourself, inverted?_

_**Warnings:** Thinker fic, a bit ambiguous._

_**Notes:** In my creative writing class, we were told to write about our opposite. Never being one to write about myself, cos it makes me a tad uncomfortable, I decided to write a fanfic. Anything I say here will ruin your interpretation of it, I think, so have fun reading!_

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**Yourself, Inverted**

What would happen if you looked in a mirror and saw yourself, inverted?

If you had light hair, it would become dark. Light eyes, dark. Light skin, dark. Any clothing you wore would shift, so that instead of the orange sweater you'd be wearing a blue one. Black trench coat instead of white one. Dark shoes, not light.

But that's just color.

Isn't there so much more to be inverted?

What if you looked in the mirror and saw that instead of being short, you were suddenly tall? Your shoulders had broadened, filled out, until they fit into that suddenly black trench coat that was forever draped around your shoulders. Your arms, which had been thin and underdeveloped, were now thick, perfect for carrying things and hugging people. When you looked at your hands, you saw that they looked manly, unlike the delicate, pale hands that you had before. You looked impressive, even though your neatness had been inverted as well and now your shirt was crumpled and tie loose.

And that was another change: you were wearing a suit. A suit that fitted your new, older body, making you look more like an adult and less like the scrawny teenager you once were. Instead of tennis shoes, you were wearing a pair of black, office shoes; instead of jeans, you were wearing black, pleated pants.

But appearance isn't the only thing that can change, which you realize even as you look at yourself in wonder.

You can feel it in your bones, a strange new feeling settling into your mind. Suddenly, a mask is there, a cheerful, friendly smile gracing across your face. No longer are you so desperate to hide behind a scowl. Instead, you feel – you know – that you can fake it with the best of them. You can laugh at every joke, even your own – no, especially your own. You can tease and flirt and whine, even when the people around you know you better than that. It's easy, now that you are inverted. Now you don't have to be stoic all the time, now you don't have to feel so uncomfortable with other people when they get too close. _You_ get too close. _You_ make people feel important, happy, loved. Isn't it nice to be in control for once?

You can feel a sense of power; a knowledge that if something happens, you can take care of it. You know that everyone is relying on you to help, because you are the one who can pull them through when all else fails. You might not be the leader of the team, but you are definitely the star player. It's so different from before, when you were the newbie, the inexperienced one who everyone had to help along. You're so glad you don't have to worry about inconveniencing people anymore, because now you know what you're doing. And now you can help.

It's not all good, though.

Because before, it was easier to distance yourself from your own emotions. You could handle them, and you could separate hate from hate. You could tell who you hated. Now you can't. Now, you just hate yourself. (Before, you were selfish, and you see that now. But you understand, too, because that was all you knew, and you had never been able to rely on anyone else. It's funny how you didn't realize that until you were inverted.)

And it's not that you don't understand the feelings. You hated, too. But you didn't hate yourself, and now you do. Every mistake you make, you curse yourself, snarling and seething and wondering why you did it. Before, you hated the other people who caused your hate, because if you didn't rely on yourself, there was no one you _could_ rely on. Now you hate yourself, because you wouldn't need to cling to other people if you weren't such a screw-up. And maybe they wouldn't leave you, then.

(Before, you knew better. They'd leave you anyway.)

Behind the mask, you are crying. You can't control the tumultuous feelings that are whirling inside you and threaten to take over. Guilt, fear, loneliness, love, hate, desperation, agony... It all acts as a sinuous knot of chaos, spinning and twisting until it nearly overwhelms you. You almost miss the relative peace you had before, because then it all made a little more sense. You could handle it, because while the feelings were still there and strong, they were ordered. You knew why you felt what you did, and while sometimes you wondered if maybe you should feel differently, your own emotions were never such a mess that you couldn't control them. And when you couldn't control them, it was never your fault.

Maybe being inverted wasn't all better.

You look into the mirror and you want to help your reflection.

Your reflection looks back and smiles.

He wants to help you, too.


End file.
